Oooh lala, now here’s a juicy subject we all love! Delicious, scrumptious, sensual, sexy sex! And if your bedroom bonking is none of these things, then you may need to re-think your sexual strategy! Sex should not be: Boring, tiring, painful or yawn-worthy. If it is, perhaps it’s time to turn to astrology to help you make it juicer and sweeter….
The stars can be darn useful in helping us navigate our nature, personality traits, likes, dislikes, and even how we like to be kissed. And, astrology can inform us about what kinda sex we go for, whether it’s down and dirty, rough and tumble, or soft and sweet. After all, knowledge is power, and all of us could do with a little extra sexual prowess. And wouldn’t it be nice to be able to confidently tell your lovers exactly where to go and what to do rather than lying around wondering what the Queen had for lunch while bae is frantically trying to locate your sweet spot? Thought so. Without further ado, let us proceed to explore the nuances and intricacies of our sexual style and preferences according to your zodiac sign.
SEX WITH AN ARIES (Aries dates: March 20 - April 19)
The truth is, whoever is between the sheets (or up the mountain, in the car, on kitchen table or in the shower) with you, is going to have the ride of their lives. The only requirement is that they keep up, and make sure the engine hot and revved, because you’re definitely coming back for seconds, and thirds, and fourths. Your zodiac sign, ruled by sex god Mars, is known for your endless libido and spontaneous, hot, sweaty sexual style. Poor bae has no idea, do they? They’re probably hiding in the cupboard, dressing in the dark and hoping you don’t set eyes on their luscious naked bods in case you pounce on them for the 15th time today. Maybe you should give them a few moments. Maybe a day. After that, they must know to be available for your lusty needs – rejection only makes you want them more. Also, do they do handstand sex? That could be a deal breaker if they’re not up for it. You’ve always wanted to try that one. Sorry, not sorry!
SEX WITH A TAURUS (Taurus dates: April 20 - May 20)
Are they ready for heaven? Does your love even know that they’ve hit the sexual jackpot? Tell them to do themselves a favour and throw a social media poll out there for best zodiac sign to have sex with is. It’s you, Taurus. It will always be you. Your sensual, sexy deliciousness is a slow burning fire, and boy, does it burn hot. Luscious and slow, you take your sweet time with your lover, stroking each and every part of their body, smelling, touching and tasting. You’re not shy about your primality – in fact, you indulge it wholly and completely, to the point where a less body-comfortable babe might feel as if they’re landed up in bed with a bit of an animal – in the very best sense. They’ll just have to be okay with all the sniffing and licking. Perhaps they may even like it. Perhaps they’ll return the favour, and perhaps – just perhaps – you’ll get the to do that really nasty thing that you’ve always fantasised about.
SEX WITH A GEMINI (Gemini dates: May 21 - June 20)
Bae better be ready for some serious experimentation. Boring sex is a no-go for your zodiac sign, and it doesn’t matter if it feels good – as long as it’s different and you can talk at the same time. The whole silk scarf in the mouth thing won’t work for you – you need to chatter away while your bodies are doing what they do, and the dirtier the talk, the better. In fact, the whole sexual experience, in your opinion, is about the mind, from that first sexy text, that first flirty message, to the actual meetup. Then, you have a conversation with all these naughty innuendos, turn each other’s minds on, and your body automatically follows. The next thing you know, you and your lover are saying all kinds of nasty things that your momma would wash your mouth out for, but who cares? The more outrageous they are, the better it is for you…and if your lover can’t bring themselves to be a little cray-cray, well, then you may wave them bye-bye!
SEX WITH A CANCER (Cancer dates: June 21 – July 21)
For your sensitive zodiac sign, sex is paramount to babies and snuggling. Whatever happens between is all very well - sweet, sensual, tender and all that, but it’s really the snuggling you look forward to, and the possibility of a mini-you running around and calling you mama or dada. That’s just how it is for you crabs, and bae better be stocking up on protection if they don’t wanna be having a bun in the oven. In the process of making babies, you can be as kinky as anyone else, and you love to please your lover, just as long as it’s reciprocated. And beware if you’re not in the mood – hell ain’t’ hath no fury like a Cancer forced to have nooky when they’re feeling sad about their pet budgie who died five years ago. Your sweetie better know how to make tea and wait for a better time, because when you’re in the mood, you are the sweetest, most spiritual, most connected and sensual lovemaking machine around.
SEX WITH A LEO (Leo dates: July 22 - August 22)
Are there mirrors? Good. Your lover must know that they will be getting the sex of a lifetime, a performance to out-perform any previous lovers they have ever had. They’ll likely forget they ever had sex with anyone else before you came along and heated things up. And lord help them if they mention their previous experiences. Bae better know, there was really no one before you! Sure, you can be demanding, and you know what you want – and usually you want a lot of it – but when your fire is stoked, you purr like the big cat you are, the cat who got all the cream (wink wink). Passion is a non-negotiable for you, and rejection cuts you to your very soul. Your lover needs to respond with affection and enthusiasm at your overtures, lest your sexual ego suffers a slow and painful death. There’s nothing worse than a Leo neglected or ignored, and there’s nothing quite a lovely and warm as a Leo worshipped and adored. They’ve been warned.
SEX WITH A VIRGO (Virgo dates: August 23 - September 22)
People don’t actually grasp how sexy you are, Virgo. What you put out to the world is most definitely not what you put out in the bedroom. Did you know that the majority of porn stars are Virgos? It’s true. You are a sexpot, but you know to keep it private for you and for whomever you choose to take into your bed. And, as an earth sign, you have the whole sensuality thing going for you, and you’re not scared of tapping into your primal side. Yes, you’re a bit of an animal and nothing gets you going quite like messy (the only place you allow mess), smelly, sexy, tasty sex. Plus, you have the whole Virgin thing going for you as well, which only makes you that much more appealing. Everyone wants to marry the babe who seems all pure and sweet, but is naughty AF between the sheets – and you’ve got a brain to boot. You’re able to do the nasty and talk philosophy afterwards, run errands, clean the house and make sure the fridge is full. Yes, you’re a keeper.
SEX WITH A LIBRA (Libra dates: September 23 - October 22)
For most of you, romance is totally a thing prior to the whole sexual experience. You wanna feel adored and sexy, and your lover needs to take you to town and make you feel like the god or goddess you are. Not that you’ll turn down casual sex, if you feel like a bit of worshipping. The truth is, Libra, people are always going to wanna do the dirty with you – you’ve got this whole “touch me, don’t touch me” thing going on, and everybody wants a piece of that. Even when you’re committed – which is most of the time – you ooze sexiness like an overflowing honeypot, and them bees buzz around like crazy trying to steal a taste. When you do get into the bedroom (an artfully decorated, pretty place – nasty dumpster sex ain’t never gonna fly with you), you want a lover who equally reciprocates all you have to give. You’ll please, sure, but you need someone who’s going to match what you’re giving. If not, you’ll (painfully) let go and find someone who deserves all your sexy treats (which includes a lot of lingerie and whipping cream).
SEX WITH A SCORPIO (Scorpio dates: October 23 - November 21)
BDSM? Check. Nightclub bathroom sex? Yes please. Choking? Been there, done that. There’s pretty much nowhere you’re not willing to go, and the only limit you’ll put on your sexual pleasure is adultery. That’s not a turn on, but everything else is fair game, Back doors, front doors, side doors – all doors are open on your well-oiled, luscious body, and your ideal lover needs to get over their fear of, well, anything they’re afraid of, and bring their sexual A-game to the party. It’s going to be scary for them. It’s going to be a little cray-cray – okay,a lot. It’s going to push boundaries that have never been pushed before (yes, you’re really putting it there) and they’ll have to get really (really) comfortable with giant toys they don’t even know the name of. Visits to the local adult store are your average Saturday afternoon, and Sundays are a day to indulge in your favourite naughty sites together. Bae is going to get an education that they’ve never dreamed of.
SEX WITH A SAGITTARIUS (Sagittarius dates: November 22 - December 20)
Your sign of the zodiac is quite well-known for your more-than-crazy, spontaneous and fiery sex drive, Sagittarius. Hook-ups, dates and committed partners alike know that the moment sex gets boring or happens rarely, is the moment you swipe a permanent left on their ass. Speaking of, all body parts are fair play – with play being the operative word here. If sex becomes too serious, tender (yuk), sweet (puke) or emotional (now you’re running), bae will be counting the (few) days left with you, perhaps even hours. Sagittarius-style sex is fun, playful, hot and quick. And frequent. Very frequent. Outdoor sex is a must, sex on a plane – best ever – and sex with a few others is totally up your alley. Why should you be possessive anyway? It’s just sex, after all. Your sweetie will need to get a little used to that, but as soon as they realise how much fun and freedom you’re willing to give, is the day they realise they’ve struck sexual gold.
SEX WITH A CAPRICORN (Capricorn dates: December 21 - January 19)
Like all earth signs, you have a sensual and juicy libido just waiting to be unlocked by the right partner. And, like all earth zodiac signs, you keep it between you and your lover, not between you and the rest of the world, unless you’re feeling particularly insecure or going through a phase. Weirdly, sex within marriage totally turns you on, and there’s nothing quite as kinky as calling out your honey’s title during a particularly sexy session. The best sex, with you, takes time and trust, and you may take a while to open up and let the walls down – sex without vulnerability can be common for your sign until you really are sure that this person is your sweetie for life. Then, you’re pretty much like the proverbial horny goat symbolised by your sign. Also – power games. The ones where you get to be in control. Those encounters in the boardroom for a “disciplinary hearing” – ooh baby! That, Capricorn, is an aphrodisiac that you may find yourself coming back to, again and again.
SEX WITH AN AQUARIUS (Aquarius dates: January 20 - February 17)
Bae better be into alien sex. Or sex with your friends and you. Or sex with a robot while you watch. Virtual sex, online sex and text sex – this is what your zodiac sign is into. Truth be told, you really just wanted to be friends, and now this whole sex thing just seems complicated and kinda messy. Body fluids are really not your thing, which is why robots and computers just seem so, well, convenient. But, if your lover can deftly engage your brilliant mind and make you think sexy things, your body will follow and what may happen is some of the most interesting and experimental sex they’re ever had. It won’t be tender and emotional, but it will be a lot of fun and you’ll still be able to be their best friend afterwards. Wait, so you weren’t dating? Do they know that? This may be a good time to let them know that swinging was invented by an Aquarius, and that an open relationship is the way that the world is going. Progression, baby.
SEX WITH A PISCES (Pisces dates: February 18 - March 19)
You know those memes that tell you where the sign likes to do it? Those memes that are utter rubbish? Well, they got this one right with your zodiac sign. You really do like it in the water, Pisces, under the light of a Full Moon, whilst on mushrooms, weed and LSD as you merge souls with your one and only true love. This is the true art of Tantra, and sex in this way becomes something quite mystical and potentially somewhat messy as you come down and realise that this was not your one true love, but a really good looking, dreadlocked hippy just passing through. No matter, you’ll soon find someone else to sexually transport yourself to the divine with, someone who knows that sex is the gateway to the spiritual. It’s gotta be sweet. It’s gotta be addictive. It’s gotta be loving. Casual sex breaks your tender little heart, and cold sex just makes you cry. Find a lover that matches you stroke for stroke, who is giving as you, and who is going to protect your magic-mushroom drenched heart from the cruel, cruel world.