By now, everyone from the local grocer to your anti-millennial uncle knows what Mercury Retrograde is and sometimes the effect it has. If you have forgotten this hell retrograde period is a three-week annoyance when Mercury appears to move backwards in its orbit around the Sun from the Earth's viewpoint. This Mercury Retrograde cycle happens around three times a year, and here’s a reminder – a Mercury Retrograde period is a time in which everything goes wrong, from technology mishaps, to horrible communication, to travel plans going awry. This retrograde cycle is not a good time for anyone here on planet Earth. A typical dreamy Pisces, for example, probably doesn’t even know their stuff hasn’t been printing, let alone that the printer is broken, but a communication-driven Gemini will literally be pulling their hair out because nothing they say is being understood during the retrograde!
In Astrology, Mercury is the planet of phones, the internet, technology and talking – obvs – so anything this trickster planet Mercury rules is upset, especially communication and each zodiac sign will have a pet peeve, or three, that drive them to drink (figuratively – except for you, Sagittarius – that’s literal). Mercury is also the planet of confusion, gossip and not double-checking the details so when it's retrograde, you can multiple that by two, five or ten.
Here are three things that drive your zodiac sign mad when Mercury is Retrograde:
WHAT DRIVES AN ARIES CRAZY DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE (Aries dates: March 20 - April 19)
1. Nothing goes fast enough during this Mercury retrograde phase. This is enough to make you foam at the mouth, Aries – your zodiac sign cannot abide slowness. From cars, to emails, to decisions, it’s as if everything is moving through sludge.
2. Your car stops working. A typical Aries worships their rides. And now it’s not only making funny noises, but it’s just not going fast enough. See point 1 above.
3. The fights. You love a good brawl, Aries, but this is just too much, even for you. Sometimes, you just want to punch someone in the face. And you actually might.
WHAT DRIVES A TAURUS CRAZY DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE (Taurus dates: April 20 - May 20)
1. Mixed up food orders. You can’t understand why your local takeaway is not getting it right – after all, you order from them every Friday night. This is an outrage for your zodiac sign.
2. Netflix stops working. Mercury in Retrograde messes up the internet, didn’t you know? With a mixed-up food order, plus no Netflix, you’re getting grumpier and grumpier. Cheer up, it's only for a few weeks.
3. Bae is being weird. They’re just not making any sense, and even your famous patience is being tested. Why are they being so dramatic anyways? Darn retrograde. This astrology planet should totally be demoted.
WHAT DRIVES A GEMINI CRAZY DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE (Gemini dates: May 21 - June 20)
1. Everything. The struggle is real, Gemini. This is the worst time ever for you, because in astrology Mercury rules your zodiac sign. It’s as if the whole world has become stupid during this retrograde.
2. Communication problems. Those texts you normally send that bae loves, those memes mom loves? Suddenly they’re all offensive and you can’t understand why it's having this effect, you're an intellectual air-sign after all so it shouldn't be this hard.
3. Your brain feels blocked when Mercury is in retrograde motion. Literally. It’s like writer’s block but way, way worse. All those witticisms have dried up and you feel as if your sparkly humor has become an irritating croak.
WHAT DRIVES A CANCER CRAZY DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE (Cancer dates: June 21 - July 21)
1. The arguments with your family. Suddenly, everyone seems to hate each other, and no one is understanding what the other is saying. This makes you feel really, really sad.
2. Losing your precious photos during a retrograde. This is enough to drive your zodiac sign to the proverbial bottle. There’s nothing – nothing – worse than losing your treasured photos because your stupid hard drive crashed. Tip – use Dropbox or Google Drive.
3. Arguing with bae. This is the worst. Everything they say hurts you, and all you want to do is crawl into your shell and hide until darn Mercury stops stomping in reverse.
WHAT DRIVES A LEO CRAZY DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE (Leo dates: July 22 - August 22)
1. Your credit card stops working. There’s nothing worse than living your best life and suddenly, the shop clerk is giving you suspicious eyes.
2. The attention is not on you anymore. Everyone’s moaning about Mercury Retrograde, which is totally making you invisible right now. And there’s nothing your zodiac sign hates more than being ignored.
3. The camera stops working on your phone. No selfies? No capturing special moments of your family and friends? This, sucks. Retrograde sucks. Mercury sucks.
WHAT DRIVES A VIRGO CRAZY DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE (Virgo dates: August 23 - September 22)
1. The stupidity of people not learning from the last Mercury Retrograde. Obviously, you’ve planned for this – your hard drive is backed up, your phone turned off and you’ve copied, pasted and printed all your emails into a handy word document. Why hasn’t anyone else done the same? Don't they know what happens during a retrograde?
2. Nobody is taking your advice. The truth is, you know best, and the fact that no one seems to want your guidance is another reason why people are stupid (see above) and obviously know nothing about astrology.
3. Your routine is suddenly all over the show. Because of the technology/car/phone issues, you’re finding yourself having to adjust and re-adjust your schedule, and this upsets you more than anything else. Remember, Mercury is your planet ruler after all so you're not off the hook when it starts moving backwards.
WHAT DRIVES A LIBRA CRAZY DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE (Libra dates: September 23 - October 22)
1. All the conflict during a retrograde. Everyone is arguing, and not in a fun, debating kinda way. It’s as if you’re all speaking a new language, and no one gets what the other is saying which is weird for your clever air-sign intellect.
2. Bae and you are not getting along. For some of you, this even results in (temporary) breakups. The heartache over this astrological Mercury period is the worst for a relationship-lovin’ Libra. You're hoping it's all just an optical illusion.
3. Social plans are cancelled. Suddenly, things are just not fun anymore, and all the special events you have in mind are gone, and everyone knows how much your zodiac sign hates introverting.
WHAT DRIVES A SCORPIO CRAZY DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE (Scorpio dates: October 23 - November 21)
1. The drama. You’re still in denial that your life is fueled by drama, Scorpio, but nevertheless let’s play along and say you don’t like all the fuss around Mercury Retrograde (wink wink).
2. Not being able to stalk your ex or newest crush. Social media is throwing up all these irritating glitches, or they’ve figured out how to make their profile private. Whatever. You don’t care anyway. Mercury is lame. The retrograde is even more lame.
3. The feeling that you should spill your secrets. It feels almost…compulsive. Suddenly, you can’t control the words coming out of your mouth and now the lady at the hairdresser knows you still pine over your ex (see point 2 above), when you actually, really, don’t. Mercury can be annoying like that.
WHAT DRIVES A SAGITTARIUS CRAZY DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE (Sagittarius dates: November 22 - December 20)
1. Cancelled flights. Here you are, with your bags all packed and ready to go, excited for the next adventure, and bam – flight canceled. Now you have to wait around, bored AF for the next one. This, for your zodiac sign, is like being in jail.
2. Travel plans fall apart. This is kinda like point 1, but more. Not only are your flights canceled, the hotel has suddenly gone bankrupt, the tickets to the festival lost and your suitcase has been “misappropriated” during your last transit.
3. No one is fun anymore. Everyone is arguing and seems uptight. Why can’t they all just relax and forget the petty details Mercury forces us to deal with?
WHAT DRIVES A CAPRICORN CRAZY DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE (Capricorn dates: December 21 - January 19)
1. The printer stops working. This is enough to drive a typical Capricorn insane. Doesn’t Mercury realize you have a looming deadline, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to present to the board and now the freakin’ printer doesn’t work anymore? Here or at the dodgy internet store down the road? The struggle is so real right now and this is absolutely not a time to get a new job either.
2. Your emails get lost. You spent 2 hours – 2 hours! – drafting that mail to the CEO. Now, the internet has swallowed it. Maybe it’s time to allow yourself to shed a tear, Capricorn.
3. All structures collapse. It’s as if your co-workers have gone mad, and you are the only sane one. Your zodiac sign truly struggles when things go topsy turvy over this period, as if the rug has truly been pulled out from under you.
WHAT DRIVES AN AQUARIUS CRAZY DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE (Aquarius dates: January 20 - February 17)
1. The. Freaking. Internet. Why won’t it work??? Why, why, why!? Your dark side emerges during Mercury Retrograde, dear Aquarius, as the trusty interwebs fails you and you morph into a more twisted version of Darth Vader.
2. Your phone breaks. How are you supposed to stay in contact with all your virtual friends? This is like being sent into exile. With all this new-found downtime, perhaps it's time to re-examine your self-care in the real world instead.
3. Everyone is so emotional. You know it’s Mercury Retrograde, so in some way, you realize no one should take anything anyone says seriously. But here’s bae, crying again, over that “cold” text. Sigh.
WHAT DRIVES A PISCES CRAZY DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE (Pisces dates: February 18 - March 19)
1. Losing your music. Every time, you forget to back it up. You can’t even remember where your hard drive is, let alone mark down that it’s Mercury Retrograde. Thank heavens for Spotify.
2. There’s even more confusion than usual. Your zodiac sign is not exactly known for being organized, but now it’s as if the whole world has gone mad, and there’s no one to help you do the practical stuff. You’re all floating in a sea of Mercury planetary confusion.
3. Everyone’s mad at each other. Why can’t people just hug it out? Forgive and forget? This is a spiritual lesson, after all, and you’re not entirely sure why people can’t see that.